Trans Youth in Translation

The Trans Youth Hormone Therapy Decision-making Study explored how trans youth and their parents made decisions about initiating hormone therapy and how health care providers navigated ethical challenges when working with trans youth and their families. Study participants included 21 youth (ages 14-18), 15 parents, and 11 health care providers.

Through the Trans Youth in Translation Project, trans youth from across British Columbia (BC), Canada participated in creative arts workshops with trans artist mentors. The creative works generated through this project were inspired by quotes from interviews with trans youth, many of which are included below. Youth artists drew on their lived experiences and unique perspectives to bring research findings to life through visual art, songwriting, creative writing, and board game design.

Visual Art

In this gallery, you can view a selection of the paintings and created through this project. Hover over the image to see the quote from a youth research participant that inspired the painting. Click on the image to enlarge.

“My mom said she didn’t see any signs, and I didn’t know there were any signs.”
“It’s like being stuck in a wet, cold, sandy, uncomfortable swimsuit that is too tight, and everybody is wearing warm, dry clothes…and somebody not letting you have [warm, dry clothes] until you prove [your gender]. It’s rather irritating and uncomfortable and angry-making and depressing and all that other evil, nasty stuff.”
“I feel like the self-acceptance message almost gets kind of corrupted into this weird transphobic sort of monster.”
“I would describe my gender identity as being a non-binary trans woman, which basically means to me that I am a woman, but gender’s not real and I just exist within this kind of space, category thing…Sex isn’t just male and female. It’s beautiful and varied and determined by many different things."
“I would describe my gender identity as being a non-binary trans woman, which basically means to me that I am a woman, but gender’s not real and I just exist within this kind of space, category thing…Sex isn’t just male and female. It’s beautiful and varied and determined by many different things.”
“It felt like I had to fit into a cisgender woman’s box as to what categorized me as transgender to apply to actually receive hormones. And I fit into that box fairly well on my own, but feeling like I had to fit into that box was really hard.”
“I need acceptance right now because I’m living in hell.”
“[The healthcare provider] said to [my father], every time he calls me a wrong name or pronoun, it’s like taking an axe swing at a tree. One time, that tree’s just going to fall and you can’t put it back up.”
“Wearing a hoodie, acting emo, doesn’t help you get estrogen.”
“It kind of sucks not having any resources. It kind of just feels like you’re left to fend for yourself… what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?”
“I’d just want to be treated like a normal person. I don’t feel much different from anybody else.”
“Once I got here, I was like, ‘Ah, ah, I don’t know what to do,’ because my mom was still not on board, so I was just kind of like, this is just like swimming through poisonous water.”
“I hate needles so much. I have the biggest fear. I can’t do it. I’ve passed out so many times after having to get blood tests.”
“[Hormone therapy] is a cool thing. Like, it’s so sciencey and cool and I love it so much. And I feel like it’s awesome. I want to shout from the rooftops about how accessible it is and how you can really make it happen. And I think we’re so lucky and I’m so lucky to live in a time where I can do it, you know what I mean? A long time ago it didn’t exist.”
“[The youth worker] was always there when I needed to talk, when I felt very dysphoric, when I felt down, when I felt like giving up and just conforming to what society wants me to be. And she drove me to appointments and she supported me the whole way through.”
“I’d just want to be treated like a normal person. I don’t feel much different from anybody else.”

Songwriting

These songs were written in response to descriptions of challenging health care interactions from trans youth research participants. Youth songwriters were asked to capture the conflict between the youth and their health care provider, to imagine what lead up to this interaction, and to describe what should happen to ensure the needs of the youth are met.

Waiting for My Life To Start

Prove Myself

Creative Writing

The following poems and creative writing pieces were inspired by youth research participants’ descriptions of their gender journeys.

Letter to a Doctor

Dear Doctor,

I want you to know that I am a human being that cannot be put into a one-size-fits-all system. I am weird and queer and entirely unique and instead of ignoring what I am saying and assuming my needs, we need to work together to figure out what health care will look like for me. I am traumatized by the health care system in many ways and that is going to affect how I interact with you. I am hurting and complicated and I don’t know what I want and neither do you. By working as equals, as well as respecting our own strengths, we can get things done.

What is the reason you are doing the work you are doing?

What has brought you to this position as a doctor that specializes in trans care?

What are you doing to be constantly learning about your job?

What are you doing to ensure this is your best work?

What are you doing to decolonize your practice?

What are you doing to combat cissexism in your life?

Are you listening to your clients?

I don’t know if this sounds overwhelming for you, but this is the work that I have to do every day in order to exist.

Love,

Your Patient

Poem

i show up

hands

tied up in themselves

holding hard-beating hearts

i sit

in my corner—where I always sit

beady eyes and smiles and masculinity

fake art on the walls so i know i am safe

i talk with emptiness

i empty myself of nothing

he smiles

it’s all going according to plan in the one-size-fits-all system

i wait

hours

to only make excuses to the only people I care about

i read

mind sinks

I chew my nails until the blood is pounding out like my heart

he comes in

he is not trans

if he was trans would he look at me like that

ignore me

treat me like every other thing he has treated today

he is empty of transness because he is empty of empathy

i leave

and i am left more bloody and bruised than when I came in

i leave

and i fall

into a path i hope never brings me back

it’s all going according to plan in the one-size-fits-all system

The Road I Walked

People ask me:

How is your transition going?

If I had to give one simple answer

Just like the one they expect from me

I would have to say:

It’s frustrating

I struggle to find words that define me

They seem to fall somewhere in an invisible middle of words that are easier to understand

You expect me to say my transition is going great

My family is great

Life is fantastic now that the world has validated that I’m a trans person

The fact is that great does describe it, but only partly

There’s so much more that I want to share, but know that it will confuse you

Why would you share the hardships, if you’re doing great?

Because,

The road I walked to get to where I am is complex, it’s intersectional.

Sometimes I walked in the middle of paths.

The road I took was unique, and it was mine.

There are hundreds, thousands, millions,

Of people walking roads that take them somewhere.

Why Is It So Inconvenient

Being non-binary and dressing androgynously is the only way to be recognized in the transgender and queer community as someone on the gender spectrum. If I don’t dress masculine, then I won’t quality as gender neutral.

Society’s standards make us feel like we have to fit in a box that they made, but not all of us do. My long hair spills out the corners. My long dress isn’t the ideal image of non-binary. My self-expression makes me invisible in my own community, just because I don’t fit in the boy box you created of what I should look like.

Being on the spectrum, somewhere in the gray, and wanting so bad to fit in one of the cookie cutter shapes of gender, but just not being able to hurts. My makeup only fits inside the one with a dress, and my binder almost squeezes me into the one called “man”, but yet what makes me “me” also means I never fit in. So why can’t I be both? Or neither?

Why is it so inconvenient for me to be myself?

Gender Health Care Challenge: The Board Game

A board game was designed for health care providers by trans youth. The intention is to simulate the experience of accessing hormone therapy as a trans youth. This is a game of chance, designed to illustrate how systems of care can be improved to better meet the needs of trans youth and their families.

Photographer: Clare Kiernan
Photo courtesy of University of British Columbia

Credits

Thank you to all of the youth artists, trans artist mentors, research study participants, and organizations who supported this project, in particular, Trans Care BC and the Stigma and Resilience Among Vulnerable Youth Centre at UBC. Funding for this project was provided by The University of British Columbia Public Scholars Program and the Canadian Institutes of Health Research. All works used with permission and subject to copyright.

Citation: Clark, D. B. A., & the Trans Youth in Translation Project. (2018). Trans youth in translation: Translating research findings into art. Vancouver, BC: The University of British Columbia.

Copyright

Copyright 2018 under a Creative Commons license CC BY-NC-ND 4.0.